Our Preamble

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Our Preamble

Post  Serenel on Thu Mar 03, 2011 8:22 am

So this is the Preamble i drafted, tell me what you guys think:

Preamble,

We the nations of the region The Dirty South (TDS) hereby stand assembled, and with one voice declare that we shall be united under one government to pursue the goals of mutual security, and the advancement of the common good. As such we the undersigned hereby grant this document the political power to imbue the institutions it thus creates with the powers it rightly delegates.

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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Cool Egg Sandwich on Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:46 pm

Serenel wrote:So this is the Preamble i drafted, tell me what you guys think:

Preamble,

We the nations of the region The Dirty South (TDS) hereby stand assembled, and with one voice declare that we shall be united under one government to pursue the goals of mutual security, and the advancement of the common good. As such we the undersigned hereby grant this document the political power to imbue the institutions it thus creates with the powers it rightly delegates.


It should sound 'loftier', especially in terms of the goals we are pursuing. I would personally include something along the lines of "liberty, equality, fraternity" i.e. The French Revolution.

I don't know, perhaps include domestic prosperity with the goals. Just a thought.

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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Anglenburgh on Thu Mar 03, 2011 7:53 pm

Democracy, Freedom, Justice!

Progressive ideologies Wink
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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Serenel on Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:48 pm

here, i 'flowered' it up a bit.

tell me what you think:


Preamble,

We the sovereign nations of the region The Dirty South (TDS) hereby stand assembled, and with one voice declare that we shall stand united under one government, and one banner to pursue the goals of mutual security, the continued pursuit of justice for ourselves and our neighbors, to vehemently protect and sustain the fragile ideals of Liberty for the enjoyment of our posterity, to enhance the bonds of friendship that shall endear us, and for the advancement of the common good. As such we the undersigned hereby grant this document the political power to imbue the institutions it justly creates with the powers it rightly delegates.
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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Anglenburgh on Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:36 am

Preamble,

We the sovereign nations of the region The Dirty South (TDS) hereby stand assembled, and with one voice declare that we shall stand united under one government and one banner; to pursue the goals of mutual security, the continued pursuit of justice for ourselves and our neighbors, to vehemently protect and sustain the fragile ideals of Liberty for the enjoyment of our posterity, to enhance the bonds of friendship that shall endear us, and for the advancement of the common good. As such we the undersigned hereby grant this document the political power to imbue the institutions it justly creates with the powers it rightly delegates.

I fixed up some areas with grammar I thought should go there in the first few lines.
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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Cool Egg Sandwich on Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:21 pm

Thanks Anglenburgh, that looks great. I was away from my house for a while so I was unable to take a look and give some edits, so I appreciate it.

Good to go, in my opinion.

Rgds.,

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Re: Our Preamble

Post  Serenel on Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:23 pm

Cool man.

looks good for me, thanks for the fix er up.
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